Tips and tricks to cope with change

We can know nothing about what is outside us if we overlook ourselves, he thinks now. The universe is the mirror in which we can contemplate only what we have learned to know in ourselves.” Italo Calvino - Mr Palomar

Have you ever seen a snake shedding its skin? Not only it is one of the most fascinating performances to admire, but it is also a metaphor of life. We constantly shed our skin throughout our life. We get old and the signs are visible on our body and mind.

The pandemic showed us a reality: change is inevitable. Even those who are averse to change, had to embrace the unknown. What is going to happen? Will I get sick? When will I have a normal life again?

I belong to a generation where change is the new normal. When I entered the job market, I already knew that I would have to be flexibile, adaptable and keen to reinvent myself over and over again.

What scares us about change is the feeling of uncertainty it carries. We lose our direction becase we do not recognise ourselves anymore. We cannot control our lives as we used to do.

In the last ten years, I changed city, country, apartment, partner, job. Over and over again. I lived an emotional rollercoaster. Here are 5 tips I offer you from my learning journey:

1) Get in touch with your values.

When you change something in your life, you lose your certainties. But if you explore your values, you will know what is important to you everywhere you go. Your values are the basis of your choices, so you will also remember the reason why you took the decision that started the change. And you will never regret it.

2) Make a distinction between what you can control and what is not under your control. When you lose your certainties, you are not able to control your life anymore. But you do not have control on your life for real: there is always something unpredictable.

You can control your thoughts, your emotions, your needs. You cannot control others or external factors. If you focus your attention on those things you can actively work on, you will see concrete results and your perception on life will change (i.e. Imagine you move to a country where it rains all the time. You cannot change the weather, but you can work on the way you adapt to it).

3) Deal with the current you, not with the old one.

When you face a change and you work on what is under your control, you might use techniques that were useful to the old version of yourself. This keeps you in the bubble of comfort prevents pain to come and hurt.

But you are not that person anymore. Every change implies a loss: you lose your old skin. You need to go through a grieving process. The sooner you will accept it, the sooner you will be able to welcome the new "you" and live with it.

4) Ask your closest people to define you.

When it gets hard to know what is the new version of yourself, think about those people who have known you for many years. Ask them: how would you describe me? Their common descriptions will make your real essence, because this is the person they all met.This doesn't mean that you did not evolve or cannot evolve in the future, but their vision will be your starting point in your self definition.

5) Start a coaching journey to set new life goals.

If you faced a change and you are feeling lost, you are probably encountering some resistance. To start a coaching path would be useful to explore these obstacles and to set new life goals for your future.

Would you dare to try?

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